Sami Sue’s Costume Review
So as every good teenager with an affinity for everything spooky should, I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect Halloween costume. I’ve visited every Halloween store (twice), checked every website I could think of, even checked the sewing patterns for DIY costumes, but alas, I’ve run into the same issue I have every year – prepackaged, run-of-the-mill costumes. Pretty much every single women’s’ costume I’ve seen is the exact same dress (low cut, tight in the middle, poufy on the bottom but still short enough to show all the goodies), just in different colors and patterns. Sexy Little Miss Muffet, Seductive Vampire, Naughty Nurse, even Pocahotass – everything is a (for lack of a better word) SLUTTY interpretation of a perfectly good costume idea. Not to say I’m not okay with showing some skin, I mean, if you’ve got it, flaunt it, by all means, but geez guys… what happened to ORIGINIALITY?!
With that being said, I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 costumes I personally would like to see around this Halloween. Nothing you can buy in a store, so you may have to put on your thinking caps and get resourceful for these, but these five ideas, I personally believe, would be all the rage amongst the teens around Rochester this year.
5.) Universal Monsters – I’m not talking your typical “paint your face green and call yourself Frankenstein” costume. I wanna see a Phantom so disfigured you’d want to actually touch the face to see if it’s real or latex – a Creature from the Black Lagoon all slimy and stinky and dripping with spooky authenticity. If you’re gonna try the Wolfman, there better be hair on your knuckles and toes, not just around your face.
4.) Terrifying Hot Chicks – I know, I know, not an actual costume, but I would LOVE to see some smoking hot broads in digs soooo scary that I’m crying like a baby. Nothing’s more attractive than a woman with all the goods AND a super tough and spooky mindset. So ladies, put down the pleather cop costume and kitty ears. I wanna see blood, and gore, and everything scary. On a hot bod.
3.) Elvis – Everyone’s already seen the fat Elvis impersonators, the leather clad gyrating Elvis, the stripe covered Jailhouse Rock Elvis of the 50’s. What happened to the forgotten Elvis of the 70’s? Post-leather, pre-fat, white polyester suit wearing, Bossa Nova singing, pill popping Elvis who was always a bit sweaty, forgetting the lyrics, bringing young Betties to the dressing room to do unspeakable acts Elvis? That’s what I would like to see this Halloween – everyone’s favorite Elvis.
2.) Sadie, Krug, Weasel & Willow – In my travels around the Halloween circuit looking for costumes, like every year, I’ve found the same horror flick costumes that have been around since the 90’s – Freddie, Jason, Michael Myers, Ghost Face, even the awful Strangers remake costumes. For the ladies, there’s the teeny tiny Ms. Krueger dress, the Friday 13th Jersey Dress, even a complete Child’s Play costume so you can be the skankiest murderous doll in town. But what’s missing are the forgotten villains of horror, the ones who may not have made a cool mil at the box office but I personally believe are far more badass than the masked scoundrels who chased babysitters up the stairs. With that being said, I want to see a group of four super badass teens taking a lesson from one of my favorites – the 1972 version of “The Last House on the Left”. Round up a group of your friends (ladies, here’s your chance to actually be something scary!), get dirty and bloody, raid your mom’s knife drawer, and get killing.
And last but certainly not the least… *drumroll please*
And that, my dear teenagers, is Sami Sue’s Costume Review. Don’t let me down, kids!
