Sami Sue's Costume Review

**So, I am dating a new guy. I know, I know, fast, it's a long story, but he's fantastic, and I've known him for years, blah blah blah. Anywho, he is the writer for the best selling Rochester punk zine, the RochesterTeen SetOutsider. And he asked me to write an article for the Halloween issue. So... this is what I came up with. Sami Sue's Costume Review. Please let me know what you think :-) I'm gonna be famous! (amongst the Roc City Punk Scene, at least!) **

Sami Sue’s Costume Review

So as every good teenager with an affinity for everything spooky should, I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect Halloween costume. I’ve visited every Halloween store (twice), checked every website I could think of, even  checked the sewing patterns for DIY costumes, but alas, I’ve run into the same issue I have every year – prepackaged, run-of-the-mill costumes. Pretty much every single women’s’ costume I’ve seen is the exact same dress (low cut, tight in the middle, poufy on the bottom but still short enough to show all the goodies), just in different colors and patterns. Sexy Little Miss Muffet, Seductive Vampire, Naughty Nurse, even Pocahotass – everything is a (for lack of a better word) SLUTTY interpretation of a perfectly good costume idea. Not to say I’m not okay with showing some skin, I mean, if you’ve got it, flaunt it, by all means, but geez guys… what happened to ORIGINIALITY?!

With that being said, I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 costumes I personally would like to see around this Halloween. Nothing you can buy in a store, so you may have to put on your thinking caps and get resourceful for these, but these five ideas, I personally believe, would be all the rage amongst the teens around Rochester this year.

5.) Universal Monsters – I’m not talking your typical “paint your face green and call yourself Frankenstein” costume. I wanna see a Phantom so disfigured you’d want to actually touch the face to see if it’s real or latex – a Creature from the Black Lagoon all slimy and stinky and dripping with spooky authenticity. If you’re gonna try the Wolfman, there better be hair on your knuckles and toes, not just around your face.

4.) Terrifying Hot Chicks – I know, I know, not an actual costume, but I would LOVE to see some smoking hot broads in digs soooo scary that I’m crying like a baby. Nothing’s more attractive than a woman with all the goods AND a super tough and spooky mindset. So ladies, put down the pleather cop costume and kitty ears. I wanna see blood, and gore, and everything scary. On a hot bod.

3.) Elvis – Everyone’s already seen the fat Elvis impersonators, the leather clad gyrating Elvis, the stripe covered Jailhouse Rock Elvis of the 50’s. What happened to the forgotten Elvis of the 70’s? Post-leather, pre-fat, white polyester suit wearing, Bossa Nova singing, pill popping Elvis who was always a bit sweaty, forgetting the lyrics, bringing young Betties to the dressing room to do unspeakable acts Elvis? That’s what I would like to see this Halloween – everyone’s favorite Elvis.

2.) Sadie, Krug, Weasel & Willow – In my travels around the Halloween circuit looking for costumes, like every year, I’ve found the same horror flick costumes that have been around since the 90’s – Freddie, Jason, Michael Myers, Ghost Face, even the awful Strangers remake costumes. For the ladies, there’s the teeny tiny Ms. Krueger dress, the Friday 13^th Jersey Dress, even a complete Child’s Play costume so you can be the skankiest murderous doll in town. But what’s missing are the forgotten villains of horror, the ones who may not have made a cool mil at the box office but I personally believe are far more badass than the masked scoundrels who chased babysitters up the stairs. With that being said, I want to see a group of four super badass teens taking a lesson from one of my favorites – the 1972 version of “The Last House on the Left”. Round up a group of your friends (ladies, here’s your chance to actually be something scary!), get dirty and bloody, raid your mom’s knife drawer, and get killing.

And last but certainly not the least… *drumroll please*

1.)    Dead celebrities. – I’ve discovered in my travels that celebrity tribute costumes are all the rage. Especially with all the celebrities dropping like flies in the past few years (R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett) it only makes sense to try to memorialize your favorite teen idols. But in the spirit of keeping things spooky, I’m urging all you teens to capture the true essence of dead celebrities – death. Don’t just dress up like Michael Jackson… Let all your friends know how cool you are by dressing up as a zombie MJ doing the thriller all around town. Ladies, get your nappy beehive wig, say “no” to rehab, tape a syringe to your inner elbow, and embrace Ms. Winehouse at her finest. And for all you rockabilly cats out there, don’t forget our dear Kenickie, found unconscious in his apartment by his junkie girlfriend (if you need pointers, check out the 2008 season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew). Don’t forget the foaming at the mouth, and be sure to pick a fight with every Daniel Baldwin impersonator you can find.

And that, my dear teenagers, is Sami Sue’s Costume Review. Don’t let me down, kids!